Mafia, Cultured
September 16th, 2009
Archive
Archive for the ‘ljotd’ Category
Math Humor
June 3rd, 2009
“I’d like to touch on a point,” Tom said tangentially.
“At first, I didn’t get the loan, but the secant time I had someone cosine.” Tom mused reciprocally.
Rewriting History
May 30th, 2009
Did Ewe Ever Know You’re My Gyro
May 21st, 2009
Hitting the Wall
May 9th, 2009
A few completely irreverent ways to *ahem* “crash” the funeral of a NASCAR driver:
* Stand outside of the church in an 88 jumpsuit screaming “WHOOOOOO, JOONYERRRRR!!”
* Paint “Official Pace Vehicle” on your car and get out in front of the funeral procession.
* Hijack the hearse. Cut donuts in the road.
* Insist that everybody has to get in and out of their cars through the windows because “It’s what he wanted.”
* At the cemetery, stand in the window of your car, shake a bottle of sparkling wine, and spray the crowd.
* Get another coffin and bump-draft.
* Show up early with beer and brats and tailgate.
* Accost people on their way in trying to buy or sell tickets.
* Accost them again on their way out trying to sell commemorative t-shirts and key chains.
* Halfway through the service, a pit crew jumps over the pulpit and works on the coffin.
… and Bingo Was His Name-O
March 24th, 2009
Did you hear? Farmer Brown won an industry award.
Apparently, he’s out standing in his field.
(ba-dum-bing)
Puff, Puff, Pass
March 14th, 2009
I’m at dinner last night with a friend from work. We’re in the smoking section, because someone else has joined us who smokes. This, naturally, leads someone to ask me, “So how long have you been quit now?”
Since Christmas Day, 2007, for anyone who is interested (Yay, Me!).
“That’s great,” my friend says, and looks at our resident smoker. “You know, smoking killed my uncle.”
“That’s a shame,” smoker says. “Lung cancer or something like that?”
“Nope, he dropped his cigarette at a train crossing and hit the gas when he bent over to pick it up.”
Lame Joke of the Day:
December 13th, 2008
What’s the smartest piece of equipment in the lab?
Wait for it, wait for it…
The Graduated Cylinder!
(badum-bum-bing)
(groan)
Lame Joke of the Day:
December 10th, 2008
Teacher: Little Johnny, your essay on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same as your brother’s. You didn’t copy his work, did you?
Little Johnny: No, sir. It’s the same dog.